As I laid in bed this morning, slowly stirring, the first words spoken to me were from my sweet Anna, “Why doesn’t Santa burn to death when he goes down our fireplace chimney?” I thought to myself, “Good question, kid. Random but pertinent.” Then I thought, “What has this kid been smoking?”
To be honest, a few short weeks ago I probably wouldn’t have listened or I would have half-entertained her with a quick answer. All of this would be if I hadn’t made the decision to stay home for a season to honor questions like the above and other pondering thoughts from a four and seven year old. This is a big, big, big (did I say big?) change for a fly-by-the-seat-of-your-pants-at-mock-seven-speed kinda girl. It was out of left field when the idea was downloaded into my spirit and frankly, I have a ton of stuff to accomplish in the world. I really thought the Big Guy and I were on the same page. This bright idea of His threw me off my game a bit.
Of course, I can’t settle too much, so I am maintaining my go-get-em attitude with managing a calendar to accomplish some goals like getting certified in Chemical Dependency counseling, downloading info on how to write, seeking courses in Peer Mentoring, and so on. Going from 100-0 is a huge shift for a girl like me so I have to keep things moving to maintain some sanity. I honestly think it is an aftereffect of being an addict – an idle mind is a dangerous mind. There are a million other idiosyncrasies I suffer from but that is for another day and another therapy session. And we are back to one income so I don’t have the money for a therapist anyway.
So today was like every other day I have been having since I have been home. Routine coffee, routine workout, and taking my daughter to our routine lunch after the routine workout like we have done for the past 3 Wednesdays. But, today’s lunch was different. My routine eyes were awakened and I was ever so present in the moment. Like, in the moment, time stood still, kind of moment.
This beautiful child of mine with her baby doll size brown eyes and pretty plump lips full of God-ordained injections at birth, was looking at me from across the table and we connected. Time froze and nothing else in the world matter. It didn’t matter that we have to repair my car and it is astronomical in cost, we have some medical issues that need to be attended too, my kid is the Corps and we want to visit him at his Fleet before he gets shipped off overseas, and I could really use some new underwear and socks now that I think about it. The point is: the issues are minute. On Saturday my husband is shaving his head for St.Baldricks’s to raise funds for childhood cancer and awareness. Many parents have lost these precious lunch moments with their children and opportunities to answer 20 questions about service dogs and why we can’t touch them, hug them, or kiss them. Perspective can be quite intriguing and quite nasty at the same time.
As my daughter’s wispy hair clung to her spoon to get a taste of the Broccoli Cheddar soup she was raving about, I couldn’t help but feel like my heart was going to burst with love. It felt like a big red balloon full of so much air it was teetering on being a showy, obnoxious, “look at how big I can get” kind of heart balloon. I would be lying if I didn’t say I have been a bit whiny in my transition over the last few weeks. I’ve been pretty bi-polar if you will. One minute I’m all like, “This is ahhhmmaazzinngg. In my PJs at 9:30am. Woo hoo!” Then I’m all like, “How am I going to change the world in my PJs at 9:30am?! Boo hoo!” So you can imagine I was thankful for this precious moment in time to school me for a hot minute. Today is a gift. How are you spending the day? Are you taking a minute to smell Santa-burning roses? These moments in time are so sweet and tasty and I want to cherish them forever. Especially when I know that in a blink of an eye I will be taken down another course to accomplish what God and I have already decided I am going to do. Not today, not tomorrow, but in due time and I don’t have to be antsy about it. Just breathe and enjoy today.
As if my revelation day couldn’t get any sweeter my daughter had to go and do it. She had to break out in song at the lunch table and imprint a memory in the ol’ brain bank. She took a deep breath and started doing the wave with one arm, “I’m going back to Cali, Cali, Cali.” Took her other arm and started the wave across the ocean move again, “She said she likes….the ocean.” With the sweet voice of hers not caring if the other patrons could hear, “I’m going back to Cali, Cali, Cali.” Then a gentle whisper to end her performance, “I don’t think so.” The kid had to sing an LL Cool J song and take us back to old school. She basically was speaking my love language and we shared a belly laugh. The joy in her eyes and the smile on her face, her magical “mommy and me” moment, planted seeds in her heart that will grow infinitely. Even in the stillness we are changing the world.
Thank you for another “routine” day. I am putting this day in my back pocket. Also, if any scholars know how to answer the Santa question please give a shout out. I’m pretending she didn’t ask and wants an answer. This time it isn’t because I’m too busy -just stumped.
Danielle Leonard 